Temple of Doom :: Harrison Ford :: The Last Crusade

Harrison Ford from Temple of Doom to Last Crusade gives me one last visit with Indiana Jones, because, no, I will never own "Crystal Skull."

Ahh, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  I love this one.  I might even love it more than Raiders of the Lost Ark, although that's a really tough debate that I keep going back and forth on.

This one's got everything.  Horses, tanks, daddy issues (James Bond as Indy's Dad?  I love Sean Connery), origin story, knights, museums, a hot blonde, blimps, boats, motorcycles, evil Nazis (as if there's any other kind), plus the hilariously inept Marcus Brody. 

One of the things I love about Indiana Jones is that he has to rely as much upon his brain as he does on his fists, gun, or whip.  The entire climactic scenes in the cave when Indy must pass the trials and choose the correct Grail rely on his knowledge and reasoning skills.  And it's still riveting to watch, despite the complete lack of explosions and fighting.  Take a lesson Michael Bay.

It is interesting watching this film in the post-Dan Brown / Da Vinci Code era.  That book and a ton of A&E / TLC / History Channel shows have been pushing the idea of the "Holy Grail" as actually being a continuation of Jesus' bloodline.  So it kinda feels refreshing to go back to when the Grail was just a cup.  A magic cup, but still a cup.

Jaws :: Dir. Steven Spielberg :: Temple of Doom

More Spielberg. More Indy.  Some people love Temple of Doom.  It's their favorite of the Indiana Jones movies.

I am not one of those people.

Don't get me wrong, I like Temple of Doom.  I just don't like it nearly as much as Raiders or Last Crusade.

Re-watching Temple of Doom reminded me of many of the things that are wrong with "Crystal Skull,"  which I won't get into again here.  Instead, a bunch of other reasons Temple of Doom annoys me:

• Short Round.  I know, I know.  Lots of people love the little Asian kid who helps out Indy at every turn and says stuff like, "No time for love, Dr. Jones!"  I kind of like that stuff too, but also find it to be gimmicky comic relief.  I'm torn between enjoying the character and hating the whole, "let's add a kid in this one to appeal to families" thing.
• "Fortune and Glory."  Really?  Indy is pilfering huge diamonds and archeological artifacts for "fortune and glory?"  How selfish!  I much prefer the "This belongs in a museum!" Indiana Jones that we see in Raiders and Last Crusade.  Now, Temple of Doom is a prequel to the other Indiana Jones movies, so it's possible that sometime between when this movie takes place and when Indy is fighting Nazis for the Ark of the Covenant he completely changes his attitude about archaeology, but I still don't like the greedy Jones here.
• The mythology.  I just don't get it all.  Sure, there are magic stones and a creepy evil cult.  But why are the stones so important, what's the cult trying to do, and what does it have to do with being able to pull the still-beating heart out of someone's chest... and they're still conscious... and the heart bursts into flames when the person is dropped into a lava pit?  Huh?
• Kate Capshaw.  I hate her.  Just hate her.  Is this really how women should be portrayed?  Whining, bitchy, spoiled, fickle, weak, greedy, ignorant, and so wrapped up in herself that she's oblivious to most of what's going on in the movie.  This is like plucking a character from Sex and the City and dropping her into Predator.  Except she doesn't die.  And the screaming.  The constant shrill screaming.  I beg every time I re-watch this movie that somehow Indy will actually let the evil guy pull the still-beating heart from her chest if only to stop the screaming and whining.  I know that Spielberg married Capshaw, but based on this performance I can't for the life of me figure out why.

But somehow despite all these things I still find the movie entertaining.  And it always makes me hungry for chilled monkey brains..  Mmmmm... chilled monkey brains.